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Hijab 7:
The 'Etiquette of Marriage'
As a response to the Sufis' (mystics') advocating of celibacy, Muslim jurists examined the koranic legislature and Muhammed's traditions on marriage and the ruling elite put their theories into practice. The Islamic jurisprudence on the advantages of marriage were considered as follows:
1. Procreation is considered the prime reason marriage was instituted. The reason Muslims should have children (which they do abundantly - almost half of the contemporary Muslim population is under 20 years of age- are four: a) to keep mankind alive; b) to earn the love of Muhammed; c) to seek the blessing of the righteous child's invocation; and d) "to seek intercession through the death of the young child should he precede his father's death."In the contemporary Muslim world these rules seem to be still applied to the marriage ceremony. It is notable that the woman's consent is not required if she is a virgin and her silence interpreted as acceptance. The 'non-virgin' can refuse to be married to a certain man if she does not like him, but, according to what one has been told, that is an exception rather than a general rule. Even the males have a hard time refusing to abide by their parents' choice of a marriage partner, as this author has learned from his Muslim friends.
2. Satisfying sexual desires is the second in line and is connected with procreation. Muhammed was rather worried about the Arabs' immense sexual desires. Even his own lust had to be conquered, as he begged 'Allah': "I ask you to purify my heart and safeguard my genitals." Muhammed advised his followers to have intercourse with their wives whenever they saw a beautiful woman, in order to redeem their lust.
3. Companionship is the third advantage according to al-Ghazali. Women's company gives a man the comfort and soothing he needs. In her, he can rest from the worries of the world and seek advice. A good wife is considered a good friend, as well as being a lover.
4. Ordering the household is the fourth in order. By getting married, the man frees himself "from the concerns of household duties, as well as preoccupation with cooking, sweeping, making beds, cleaning utensils, and means for obtaining support." According to tradition, the wife's contribution to the man "is by both taking care of the house and by satisfying sexual desires."
5. Disciplining the self is the fifth advantage in marriage. It tries the man's faithfulness and loyalty. It makes him tolerate "their manners, enduring harm from them, striving to reform them, guiding them to the path of religion..." Thus, the character of the husband is strengthened by the challenge of having to guide his wife and tolerate her femininity.On the other hand, the disadvantages of marriages are only three: a) one might be tempted to seek unlawful gain in order to provide better for the family; b) one might not, if polygamous, be able to uphold his wives' rights; or c) be pulled from 'Allah' due to the wives "distraction". 51 According to al-Ghazali, there are four conditions that must be fulfilled before a marriage contract is established and valid.
1. Permission of the guardian or the ruler.
2. Consent of the woman if she is a non-virgin adult (widow or divorced) or given in marriage by someone other than her father or grandfather.
3. The presence of two fair witnesses.
4. A declaration of marriage, pronounced by two males.52
All males, save those who are physically disabled, are 'recommended' to marry. For women, the parents' unwritten duty of honour is to give their daughters in marriage. Muslim men, however, cannot marry or even take a woman 'for enjoyment' if the following restrictions are found:531. She must not be married to another manIf these regulations are compared with Muhammed's sunna, an interesting conclusion can be drawn. Muhammed had manipulated the first and ninth conditions in order to marry the beautiful Zaynab. He freed several women (7 and 8) and converted others in order to marry them (5 or 6), and also married two women from Jewish families (Safiya bint Huayay and Rayhana bint Zayd). One could argue that Muhammed's gesture of offering them conversion and freedom was positive. Yet, what Muhammed wanted was a male heir, who preferably had to be born of his wife, not a slave. Muhammed certainly did not treat his wives equally concerning sexual matters, for example the Safiya and Mary affairs. Again, he gave most of his non-slave wives 400 dirhams as dowry, but to Umm Salama he gave "a bed stuffed with palm-leaves, a bowl, a dish, and a handmill."54 Muhammed's numerous wives also contradict the twelfth commandment, at least in theory.
2. She must not be "in a legally prescribed waiting period" (if divorced)
3. She must not be an apostate
4. She must not be a Magian (Zoroastrian)
5. She must not be "an idolater or free-thinker" (zindiq), in other words a liberal or an infidel.
6. She must not be a convert to Christianity or Judaism, nor of a Jewish family.
7. She must not be a slave, if the man can marry a free woman.
8. She must not be a slave of the man she marries.
9. She must not be a close relative to the man.
10. She must not have been nursed five times or more.
11. She must not have marriage ties with the man (if the man has had sexual intercourse with her mother, grandmother...).
12. She must not be the man's fifth wife, unless his divorce with one of his wives was in the waiting period.
13. She must not marry her brother-in-law or a husband of any of her close relatives.
14. She must not have been divorced three times by the marrier.
15. She must not have exchanged curses with this man.
16. She must not be in a state of ritual impureness due to pilgrimages (hajj, 'umra).
17. She must not be under the age of puberty.
18. She must not be an orphan under the age of puberty.
19. She must not be a widowed wife of Muhammed (not applicable).
Thus, some of the Muslim laws concerning unlawful marriages came into being in relation to Muhammed's sunna and his manipulation of situations. If so, how can we use the sunna to explain the situation of Muslim women today? If we assume, on the basis of the arguments presented here, that the status of Muslim women is not only worse than in jahiliya Arabia but also a distortion of Muhammed's words and the Koran, we must ask ourselves why that happened?
First of all, Islam is a patriarchal religion, which has constantly developed to further restrict the rights of Muslim women. It is notable that the developments in Islamic jurisprudence concerning women seem to have very limited justification and basis in the Koran and the sunna of Muhammed. The fact is that the Koran, although it mentions women frequently, is not explicit about their status and can easily be interpreted as suitable for each argument. One could mention that the 'verse of the hijab' is the theoretical basis for both women's seclusion and freedom, depending on whether the interpreters are traditionalists or feminists.
If the medieval Muslims instated the hijab system, as it seems, without any koranic or Muhammedan justification, one has to wonder why they adopted them? The most obvious explanation is probably the lack of instruction since the Koran is not explicit on this matter and indeed stated that Muhammed's sunna cannot be imitated by Muslims. Thus we must conclude that those discriminating systems were instituted according to the sunna of the conquered nations (Byzantine and Persian 'infidels') since neither 'Allah' nor Muhammed could vote on these issues. The Meccan suras had improved women's status and thus eliminated the jahiliya-sunna on women, so the Muslims could not turn to that direction for help either.
Since women's status in Mecca was an improvement from the pre-Islamic Arabia, what turned it around so drastically between the hijra and al-Ghazali's time? Muhammed's sunna, or rather the lack of his precedents, is the most obvious answer. One has to wonder why Muslims cannot follow Muhammed's sunna concerning his sexual matters as they can do with any other? He obviously violated several koranic passages and rescued himself by spurious 'revelations', which were probably his own wishful thoughts. If 'Allah' was the author of the verses concerning Muhammed's immoral sexual behaviour, and thus disgracing the other Muslims, he is an accomplice to Muhammed's misbehaviour. If both 'Allah' and Muhammed joined forces to abuse women, it is not surprising that they are treated the way they are. The degrading status of women in Muslim countries is mostly as a result of Muhammed's powerlessness in settling that issue once and for all, because of compromises he made to cover his footsteps inside the forbidden and veiled area of women's sexuality.
Notes:
51 Farah, Marriage and Sexuality, 53-71.
52 ibid, 79.
53 ibid, 82-83.
54 Guillaume, The Life of Muhammed, 793.
